traciwest.com

There are times when life is just plain OVERWHELMING. My schedule is out of control. My finances are frightening. My jenga tower of blocks I've built out of my life is teetering back and forth. During these times, I don't sleep well. I want to eat everything in the house. I am short tempered and I hide from God.

        

There is a song that my church regularly sings, "Your Grace Is Enough."

Great is your faithfulness, O God

You use the weak to lead the strong

You lead us in the song of Your salvation

So all your people sing along

So remember your people

Remember your children

Remember your promise, O God

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough for me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."

        

in my heart is a stirring. I cannot explain it. It's just a stirring and a longing. I just want more. What once satisfied is no longer enough. I want more of God, more from this life, and less waste.

Maybe it's the approaching middle-age at the root of this longing. Maybe it's natural as you approach 40 to look at where you are, where you've been and want the second half of life to be more significant. Whatever the cause, I just want more.

Can you relate to this? What is stirring in you? What is welling up in you today?

I want to walk deeper with God.

I want to have a more significant ministry.

I want to go deeper in worship.

I want to love more passionately.

I want to be more healthy.

I want to have more time.

I want to give more, be more.

I want to be taken to a new place.

I want less comfort.


Lord, lead me. Lead me deeper with you. Change me today to something totally unrecognizable. Guide the longings of my heart to things of You and squash the things of my flesh. Turn my longings into your longings.

Longing for more,

        

I cannot believe that yesterday, I found myself at the 2010 NRA National Conference. It was, admittedly, a REALLY cool experience! The room, packed with 15,000 people, was electric with patriotism! Here are some highlights from my experience.

        

Whew! Life is just that... whew!! It is whirring by at a blistering pace these days! Family stuff... kid stuff... ministry stuff... church stuff... relationships... bills... yard work... weeds... cleaning house... ugh...

        

Ok. So here's the deal. I just have not had the energy to sit down and blog. There have been interesting events. I have thought of blogging many times, but just have been too lazy. But that time is over! I am back to the blog. There is just too much going on to not talk about it!

I want to start by sharing my husband's new venture with you. He and his partner, Mark Carnes are very clever videographers. They are always up to something! Their videos are moving, serious, funny and unique. They have just launched their own company, SoulPatch Media. I hope you'll check them out.

www.soulpatchmedia.org

Most importantly, today is Good Friday. This is the day that we remember how Jesus changed everything for us. He took on our burdens. He took on our sin and was brutalized on our behalf. If you don't Jesus, seek him today. Let his love change you. Not only was he brutalized for you, but on the third day, he rose. He rose over death and is the only true, living God. He loves you. He wants to have a relationship with you.

Love to you this Easter,
Traci

        

This week has been really difficult for our family. This morning, we buried our sweet, sweet friend and companion of 14 years, Maverick. It is surreal and overwhelmingly sad to wake up without him this morning.





I can remember clearly the day that my husband and I adopted him. We had just returned from our honeymoon and our marriage was a ripe-old two weeks. I convinced my new husband that we needed a puppy. So we found this sweet yellow lab at a local rescue and took him home. We were in love immediately. His sweet personality and warm brown eyes melted our hearts!

For four more years, it was just Maverick and us. We were a tight threesome. He was referred to us as the firstborn and as the granddog by the grandparents. Then as children came, Maverick just rolled with it. He never seemed to mind them crawling on him and would just look up at me with understanding. I have a picture of him somewhere with our daughter Madison crawled up on him taking a ball out of his mouth. In his eyes was warmth and love. He would watch us and join in our emotion. When we laughed, he would wag his tail. When we were angry, he would apologize for anyone and everything. When he was in trouble, the worst punishment was our displeasure. He would go to his bed and wait for forgiveness.

I have been thinking a lot over the last 24 hours about the memories he experienced with us... the birth of our children, the moves to Tennessee, Ohio and ultimately back home to North Carolina, the friends who have come into our lives, marriages, social occasions, homes we've shared with him, the deaths of some we've loved, the car rides, the many, many car rides with his tongue hanging out and the wind in his eyes, dancing with him (you just had to be there to see him shake his back end), crying on him over hurts and disappointments, coming home to his constant acceptance and love... through everything, he was the constant.

The final memories are more painful... in the last few months, he deteriorated physically. He seemed to shrink before our eyes. Watching old age take over broke my heart. As his disease progressed, he slept more and more and seemed to be present only physically. We knew we had to let him go. So in one of the most difficult decisions of my life, we decided to have him put to sleep. So yesterday morning, made an appointment at the vet. Anthony and I wanted to be present for the entire process. We both wanted to be with him until his last breath. As the life left his body, we both wept and wept for a long time after that. We sat on the floor beside him and held him. I have never been in the room with anyone as they died, so this was truly sad and sweet at the same time. It was really an honor to guide him to the end.

Now what's left is a void that I cannot explain nor would I have fathomed it before. Every day for the last 14 years, I have seen two faces, Anthony and Maverick. Today, without one is so strange and incredibly, overwhelmingly sorrowful. I have spent much time in the last 24 hours just praying. This morning, I was reading through some of my favorite Bible verses. Many times, I have read and underlined Psalm 36:5-6. "Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains; your justice like the ocean depths." I read that again this morning and prayed for God's love to wash over me, for Him to take my heart and hold it gently. Then I looked down at the verses again and saw something I had never seen before... another line in the verse... "You care for people and animals alike, O Lord." My heart leaped from chest and I realized that God was telling me that HE GETS my grief. He cares for Maverick like I do. He understands my broken heart for his loss. This was such a comfort to me.

Our God is personal. He delights in us and the things that delight us. He longs to show you His unfailing love for you. I hope you will draw close to Him today.

Love you,

        

Let's face it, girls. We need friends! I have become more and more aware of this lately.

I have taken some time off from blog writing. I just have not had the creative energy to be clever or to feel frankly, like I had anything significant to contribute. Sometimes, I find that the busyness of my schedule robs me of all other energy. I walk, well, run around in a harried pace from this thing to that thing. But in the last couple of weeks, although my schedule has remained busy, I have felt renewed. God has been so good to provide me with something I desperately needed... friendship.

We've moved around a lot in the last 8-9 years. We've lived in 3 states, most recently returning to our home state of North Carolina 2 1/2 years ago. It always puts a strain on friendships when you have physical distance between you. It is also a challenge to find true, close friendships once you have moved somewhere new. In the times where friendship seems sparce, I sink low. This is not something I realized until the last few days.

I believe that in my core is a need for one-on-one intimacy with close girlfriends. My husband, however, would be content to just hang out with me and the kids from now to eternity. I have always just thought that it was because of his personality. Recently though, I mentioned this to some guy friends. They all admitted to the same. They would be quite content to not make new friends, but to just hang out with their wife and kids. I thought this was an interesting view into the male mind.

Anyway, I am NOT wired like that. I need friends so I can to bounce ideas, freak out that my daughter is entering puberty, laugh until I cry and snot, talk about things guys just don't get, help me make decorating decisions, get it when my kids are driving me nuts, cry when it hurts, face life together. I just need intimate friendship presence. God has been so good to grant friendship to me. Over recent weeks, friendship has begun to renew me and give me a new energy. I am energized for life... again.

Thank you to our God who knows our deepest needs and meets them all. Thank you, Lord, that you have searched me and know me. Thank you, that I can cast my cares on you because you care for me. Your love is steadfast and is without fail. God, you are my delight today.

I hope you have found the love of God that meets you right where you are because He designed you as you are and desires to have an intimate love relationship with you. Let Him love you today.

Love,

        

14 years ago, I married the best man I know, Anthony Sean West. In honor of that I thought I would re-post this blog entry from a few months back!

Happy Anniversary, Anthony! I would marry you all over again!
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Originally posted October, 2009.

Well, there is a lot going on next door on this beautiful day in October! Our wonderful neighbors, Robert and Jean, have a very special occasion to celebrate. Their youngest son (who owns the house across the street) is getting married today. His two brothers, their wives and 8 children, (7 lively boys ages 2-10 and one precious, new baby girl) are all packed into our next door neighbors' house for the weekend! What the noise level must like over there! I cannot even imagine! Occasionally, they all spill out into the yard and play. I can only imagine the relief for the grandparents for even a few moments of peace and quiet! 

        

It's that time again. It's the time to decide how I want this new year to be different and/or better that last year. I have been giving this some thought. Here's what I've come up with. In 2010, I hope to:

1. Lose weight.
   I hope that 2009 was my last fat year.
   
2. Get control of my finances.
   Neither I nor my husband are financial wizards. We seem to continually live paycheck to paycheck without long range vision. I hope this year, we will save more, spend less and pay off debt.
   
   
3. Be my husband's best friend.
   I am married to a wonderfully kind man. He is certainly the giver in our partnership. I hope to focus more this year about meeting his needs and thinking less of myself.
   
4. Be a more intentional mom.
   Life seems to be flying by. Suddenly, I find myself with two kids that will be gone from our house in the next decade. It seems like they were just born. I hope this year to be more careful about the moments with them and the lessons that I pass along to them.
   
5. Finely tune my craft as a singer and worship leader.
   I am not getting any younger. I hope this year to really become more skillful about live performance and the use of my voice. I love singing more than any other task and want to be my very best at it. I pray that God will grant me more opportunities to lead worship and that I will see His people draw more deeply into worship.
   
   
6. Walk closer with the Lord.
   More than anything, I hope that in 2010, I will know God more deeply, walk more closely with Him and feel His presence like the breath on my neck.

What are your hopes for this year?

I'll be praying for you.

Love,